Rainbow (Babies)

Work, family and friends

2011-09-04T03:16:00.001+08:00

So been hanging out with friends lately, trying to de-stress.
Work was like SHIT! Targets getting harder to meet ever since they changed the queuing system!
Selfish colleague in work environment; no support from management at all.

Sent UOB resume and recently got back to me but rejected the offer.
The salary range is not what I'm looking at and I gonna burnt my weekends. NO WAY.
I felt short change though if I were to take up that offer.

The hearing for my case would be on 22nd Sept 2011.
Wonder what the outcome will be. Oh wells.
Sis would be in europe, dad would be overseas, mum gonna work and bro in school.
Looks like I gonna go alone and face and handle all these.

Being single is a good thing though. I can meet whoever and where ever.
Doing whatever I like.
Yes, although sometimes it felt sucky to be alone but well, it's just another phrase.
Been a fool once, not gonna be twice.

Been contacting with a "new" friend, asaph.
Actually knew her from California fitness.
Like the accompany and enjoyed every conversations we had.
I guess, that is cos we're pretty much in the same situation.
A very decent friend I would say for her age. >_<
From her, I could learn quite a fair bit though. ahhhas

Plenty thoughts on mind; way too much.
If only human brain could be like laptops, I wanna format it straight away.
So I'll have no memories.
It's kinda late and I shall try to sleep soon.

-i miss that someone-

`berls

The way life is

2011-08-27T16:15:00.001+08:00

People come and go in your life.
Kin ones, friends and even partner.

When you had a bad past and bad experience in relationship, you live in fear and phobia.
Until one day, someone came knocking your door.
Make you believe that she could bring your life and paint colours back.
After being in a relationship, issues arise and nothing was done to resolve cos the she doesn't wanna talk about it.
All these were dragged on. There were good and bad, ups & downs together.
Then one day, your gf developed feelings for another person. This is already a form betrayal in a relationship.
Even her colleagues and friends from the same company asked if she developed feeling for the other person. She denied but after that was not the case cos both of them had been seen behaving close at workplace and also shortly, they were attached.
This kinda person aint worthy your love, time, youth and effort.

She may picked you up when the whole world turn against you and when you felt like a disfigured creature in this whole world due to an unwanted car accident but at the end of the day, she could be the one who also trash all the hopes in your life.
She even told you that you've yourself to be blame for this kinda ending for this relationship.

This kinda selfish person like her, aint worth at all and the relationship should be treated as if it was a beautiful nightmare.

`berls

Stupidity or karma

2011-06-14T06:26:00.001+08:00

Used to scold my friends who shed tears for their partners.

Used to scold my friends for being dumb and stupid for holding on to a relationship when the other party doesn't appreciate.

Now, its my turn. Karma isn't it?

No idea why i suddenly woke up and just teared. Images of how we started this relationship pop out, how we smiled; the things we done; the places we went, patting you to sleep; waking up with you by my side as well as times of arguments and disappointments.

Was smiling and tearing away when those memories flowed. What's more, we are just in this relationship for 7 months.

My heart just shattered into pieces. More and more pieces.

I've neglected myself, i realized. What's more, i don't even love myself anymore. A person who doesn't love herself, is not fit to love anyone else.

Wrote a letter just now dated today. I dont know if to pass it and when to pass it.

posted from Bloggeroid

Distance

2011-05-20T02:16:00.001+08:00

Suddenly felt distance.
Suddenly felt everything is happening again.
Suddenly just felt you finding faults with me.
Suddenly felt that you're just sian of me.
Everything just so sudden.

Tell me if you're sian of me.
Tell me that you dont even love me.
Tell me that you're just making use of me to get over your ex.

Maybe you doing so, i wont hold but to let go.

posted from Bloggeroid

Damns

2011-05-17T21:22:00.001+08:00

Somehow, images popping out.
How our friends think we could last but no we didn't.

Loved you for many reasons. You guided me to the correct path, my family likes you and you were there when at my darkest.

Maybe we shouldn't have started at the very beginning so at least we could be friends and not like now, the hatred feeling i have for you.

Thanks to your doings, i am feeling very much affected and living in phobia whoever that comes after you.

posted from Bloggeroid

2011-03-31T23:52:00.001+08:00

Need a little adjustments and reorganized my life.
Relationship ain't so important afterall.

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2011-03-30T23:38:00.001+08:00

爱一个人，不是把她留在身边。而是放手，让她寻找适合她的对像。爱她是看到她快乐。

也许我把爱情看得很重，对自己的女友有很大的期望。
一旦事情发生，希望女友会在身旁陪伴着我、但她却不在时，我仍然感到心如刀割。

是我太傻了？把爱情看得那么重，把爱情在我人生中排名第一吧！
感觉好像个大傻瓜，把自己的头狠狠的往墙壁闯。

我会有幸福快乐的那一天吗？真的想要有一个可以照顾我，关怀我，爱护我，在我最需要她的时候，陪伴着我的女友。

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Insomnia and hungry

2011-03-30T03:25:00.001+08:00

Very hungry but lose appetite.
Gotten flu and gastric been acting up.
I have my softies ard me but they can't talk. Like some mad woman talking to them.

Trying to catch a sleep.
Can god shorten my life and let my ah gong live longer.

If only my softies and boaster can hug me tight, comfort me and pat me to sleep.

It poured heavily like my tears too. Heaven is crying with me. What a joke.
Waiting for end of world or just wanna close my eyes and never open again.

The world is ugly, life sucks, life is a torture. Life is meaningless. Nobody to rely on. Nobody to trust. Nobody to care. Everybody is selfish.

Tired of living for so long. Responsibilities burdens emotions in life is way too much for me to handle.

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什么是坚强和快乐

2011-03-30T00:25:00.000+08:00

我看起来是个坚强的人，但谁真正了解我的内心世界？
装着开心，坚强，都是在演示。
我是个平凡的女人，需要被疼爱，被宠，被照顾和尊敬。
当我需要你的时候，你不在。
打了好几通电话给你，你却没回应。
麻将真的那么重要吗？
今天，发生了很多事，我真的需要个拥抱，真的好想见到你。
我又失望了。
我们最后的尝试在这段恋情，会有效果吗？

A joke.

2011-03-29T21:26:00.001+08:00

Had a bad dream regarding my family and jr. Dreamt that parents disapproved of us being together and they actually got kidnappers to kidnap jr. They torture her slowly and slash her throat. I got a rescue team to help. But they shot jr to death cos jr already cannot make it. They end her agony by pulling the trigger. I blamed my parents for everything and i kept crying in my dreams, not able to move on at all.
The next thing, i woke up and pillow was wet.

Ytd was so tired after a long day at work. Mind and body ask me to rest. But somehow follow my heart, went down cnc just to see my gf. Took care of her cos she puked. Her actions all were funny. Heart aches so much to see her drunk and need to puke and headache. Couldn't stay over cos its too last night plus i didn't wanna argue with my parents.

Went to work as usual but took a cab. Overslept and too tired. Each job has its own stress level. 2nd day of the week, i manage to sell 1gi. Better than nothing. Working halfway, sis sent me a sms saying ah gong in coma. My heart paused for a moment and my tears start to roll down my cheeks. Told chris about it and she let me take 1/2 day leave.
Needed a hug from my gf badly. Needed to see her badly. Just need her by my side at this point. Needed much comfort but i know she is playing mj and wont be nice of her to leave. Dunno how many rounds she playing though. Just a hug will do.

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2011-03-15T22:00:00.001+08:00

The happiest thing is when you woke up, your love one is beside you or when you could hear her voice.

After a long day at work, you look forward to seeing her.

Its very depressing that things turn out otherwise and you just felt like you're not important at all. You put in the best effort you can but somehow, Its not being recognized.

Somehow, it just seems like you're the one giving.and.giving.

Very exhausted. I really am.

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new lappy!

2011-03-14T00:49:00.000+08:00

went to the it fair on sat and got a lappy. samsung lappy, red in colour.
I like red colour. now using it and it seecms very big to me.
kinda not used to it.
missed my acer lappy; not cos it's nice to use but i've many memories in it which i am not ready to part with.
Years of pictures of myself, friends, family & my once deepest love and hard work of 3 yrs in my poly life.
everything is just very important to me.

kinda feeling very low. been thinking about smt; which i am so uncertain of.
perhaps, being alone for awhile could clear my thoughts.
i just want to be appreciated and treated nicely from everyone ard me.
not to much to ask for i guess.

went out with lil bro today to look for his wallet.
kinda spoke to him about some of my thoughts.
hmmms. he randomly asked where is rae.
i asked if he miss her. he could ask her out. hahas.
then lil bro asked why i ain't attached with rae.
I laughed and told him; its just like we're siblings.

anways, heard this bung saying, "seriously, you think i wanna be with her? i am just making use of her to get mich totally outta my life. i am receiving all that I've missed out the past few yrs.".
my thoughts, what a fucking jackass.

saw quite a few watches and it's kinda expensive.
kinda like this GUESS watch which cost $588.
i shall slowly save and get that. muahhhas.

sometimes i felt, i'm better off being alone and single.
not quite suitable to be in a relationship though.
oh wells.

alrights, am outta here. ciaos and nights all!

4th month & 1 day.

2011-03-11T02:28:00.001+08:00

How time flies. So fast we're in march, so fast me and mushroon bb together for 4months and 1day.

Fucking tired cos lack of sleep. Hmms. Hair haven dry, cant sleep.

Hopes the 'video' turns out alright. My first time doing it for gf.

Love my bb. Guess too addicted to her is a bad habit. Hmms.

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Random thoughts

2011-03-03T00:52:00.001+08:00

I always wanna have picnic with my partner someday at marina barrage, flying kite together and enjoy the scenery.

I always wanna cable ski and surfing; which i doubt i can for couple of years.

I always wanted a cosy house of my own with my partner. Shop for furniture together and do some home improvement stuff together.

I always wanted my partner to ask me how's my day at work and giving me the support and encouragement in life.

I always wanted to go to the beach, enjoy the breeze with my partner and catch the sunrise on the following day.

I always wanted many things which are not really possible. Hmms.

I put in my best effort i could in everything but most of the time. However, its fruitless.

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Getting on my nerves.

2011-02-28T00:57:00.000+08:00

My analysis is right.
With all those you poured out when you're drunk.
Moreover, I've been there before.
Maybe am just a fool; to convince myself that things could work.
It's gonna be real tough.
Really exhausting and I have no idea when I'll breakdown or how much longer I could hold.

Work was omfg. Fun colleagues but sucky management.
Am I gonna stuck in that shit hole for long?
Taught Hazel many things but she keeps asking the same questions.
It's really annoying much.

I seriously gonna go bonkers soon.
Can someone just ease that agony and bring me farway and I don't have to return.
ARGHS.

communications

2011-02-15T01:59:00.001+08:00

I want to know everything about you.
your thoughts, feelings, emotions etc.

I wanna have better understanding and communications with you. Cos you're my love.

We all have past; bad memories but dont let what happened bring you down.

Sometimes i felt there's a wall between us. We know the surface but not the deepest inner self.

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Robert Wells "All Your Life"

2011-02-13T22:35:00.000+08:00

Looking back, it hurts inside sometime
In my dreams, I'd never let you hide
When I looked back the old time, I can see you smile
Do you know, how your love has touched my life

Wonder how, I'd ever let you go
Could you see, the love that I tried to show
And I can still see the laughter, in your warm brown eyes
It'll never change how your love has touch my life

Doesn't matter where you go, i just want you to know
My love will never change, you are all i ever wanted
Doesn't matter what you do, I hope your dreams come true
I wishing you all the best my love, all your life

Time goes by, my heart still feels the pain
In the sky, the stars blur your name
And the world may turn around, not a million times
Though I try, my heart will never change

Wonder how, I let you swifted away
In the sand, I still could write your name
And the world will spin around, without the love I found
And you'll never know, how your love has touch my life

Doesn't matter where you go, i just want you to know
My love will never change, you are all i ever wanted
Doesn't matter what you do, I hope your dreams come true
I wishing you all the best my love, all your life

Doesn't matter where you go, i just want you to know
The love will never change, the love i ever wanted
Doesn't matter what you do, I hope your dreams come true
I wishing you all the best my love, all your life

Doesn't matter where you go, i just want you to know
My love will never change, you are all i ever wanted
Doesn't matter what you do, I hope your dreams come true
Wishing you all the best my love, all your life

trust

2011-02-13T11:20:00.001+08:00

What is trust to you? Define it.
Believe every single soul has their own definition of the word; trust.

She said, she don't know if she could trust me.

'Pang' it hurts badly; like someone just pull a trigger and shot your heart.

I choose to tell her every truth, cos i dont wanna hide anything. Even what i done in the past.

I just wanna be frank with someone i love and who is important.
i dont wanna have a chance to lie, just cos afraid that she will be unhappy to know the truth.

Where will any relationship head to when trust is only one-sided?.

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3rd month

2011-02-11T00:25:00.001+08:00

Our third month together.
not short not long. Hmms.
some ups and downs, small issues etc.

Felt so blissful to wake up beside love. Her scent and cute face.

Sometimes i wonder how long we can go. I've certain fears/phobia in this relationship and i spoke to love abt it.

Thanks for the cake. Its really nice. Each time, time pass so fast whenever you're by my side. Kinda cant get enough of you.

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hate myself

2011-01-23T13:31:00.000+08:00

Hate myself for being a bad awful lousy gf.
I can't satisfied my bb in many ways.
I just feel damn sucky and never felt this sucky before.
Wish I could cut myself into 4 parts; so there's 1/4 of me to each of the categories:- bb, family, me & friends.

Work's been hell and shit. Perhaps the problems lies with me cos I am just sucky.
I'm lost; very lost; temper getting really bad and often feeling very moody.
I need to find back my old self badly.
I don't wanna feel this sucky, worthless and dumbass way.
ARGHS. This is killing me.
I really hope i can sleep and never wake up anymore.
I'm just too exhausted living in this complicated and complex world.
Maybe I should MIA for good. We'll see.

So hard

2011-01-18T09:10:00.000+08:00

Is it so hard for you to tell me what I've done?
Cos I really don't.
Is it so hard for us to communicate?
Some times we misinterpret each other's message without clarification.
And we let them pass; which adds on to more misunderstandings.

I had a really bad week to start off with.
Was thinking that talking to you during my break time would make my day better.
Then you mentioned about fd and you just ask me to look at my fb to see what I've done.
I look through and through and I don't even know what you're referring to.
Can't you just tell me what you are referring to in fb and not asking me to go and find out myself before talking to you again? Cos I'll deemed it as a mind game.

Called your mobile and you didn't pick up, called your house too.
Dropped you smses and your reply was cold or you din even bother to reply.
I really don't understand at all.
Have you ever put yourself into my shoes if I were the one treating you how you treated me?
Cos the feeling is sucky to the maximum.
It's like I don't know what wrongs had I committed, my gf is giving me the cold shoulder or rather when she doesn't know what to say to me, she'll say, "hp is not with me & "talk again".
If I didn't call you again, are you not going to contact me anymore?
The feeling totally sucks when I don't know what you're doing and who you're with.
Won't you feel the same if this happens to you? Well, maybe you won't.

Remember you ever told me you're very easy-going but don't treat you like trash and take you for granted.
I am throwing this back to you, don't do this to me at all.
You're pushing me away further by doing so; which I really don't want this to happen.
Treat people the way you want them to treat you.

If you keep on being stubborn and not wanting to communicate well with me.
How is this relationship of ours gonna end up like?
You're not in this relationship with yourself, neither am I in this relationship with myself.
It's both you & me in this relationship.
How far can this relationship go and how strong we wanna make it, we gonna find a way.
Not just you, not just me but ourselves.

It feels really painful and damn awful to be treated this way. Grrrs.
Alrights, I'm off to work.

2nd month

2011-01-11T21:34:00.000+08:00

its our 2nd month anniversary!
not too fast nor slow.
have a long way to go.
wish i got 48hrs a day so i could spend more time with family, gf and friends.

wish i could go on a short holiday to set my mind off things. especially work.
been feeling really moody recently and kinda get irritated easily.

sorry bb, i made you feel like you ain't important at all.

retail therapy

2011-01-10T03:21:00.001+08:00

Whenever I felt stress or down, I do retail therapy. At least it make me feels better.

I had dreams and now I am lost, whether to achieve them. Maybe it was me. The problematic one. I didn't try hard enough.
Perhaps, I should give myself up to may, to perform at my best.

Qutoas to hit for Gi. 6 per month. If I never try, I never succeed. I hate to resign to destiny. Gonna put my best efforts.

Stress with work. Working in a bank is one of my dreams, to climb the ladder.

Tearing in middle of nights some times am wonder why am such failure. Hmms.

That should not be me. I wanna find back the TRUE me, to be strong again.

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2011

2011-01-05T11:29:00.001+08:00

People celebrated that bad things end in 2010 and good things starts 2011. To me, I felt the same, not much difference actually.

Work is busier at the back room. Learnt new stuff but meant heavier workload. As long as 1 colleague didn't submit her daily balance report, I cant do the overall report.

Am starting to think of alternatives which could possibly bring me to better heights. Am drilling myself if there are any problems with myself; whether there are rooms for improvements.

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wtf

2010-12-29T11:13:00.001+08:00

Wake up in the morning kanna fuck for nothing. You're the one who say that not able to take leave lo. Wth. Now make a twist that you didn't say before. What is this?. So sickening.

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sleepless night.

2010-12-24T12:13:00.001+08:00

Was worried for bb cos I couldn't reach her and each time she is home, she will definitely text me.
But not so for ytd.

Was thinking the whole night and I couldn't get to sleep. Some songs rang in head and tears kinda flow.

Maybe like what others said, it too fast. Should have consider and bah bah bah.

I wont know what's on bb mind if she keeps everything to herself. Wish she could just open up to me.

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Maybe I am one

2010-12-11T19:24:00.000+08:00

Maybe I am a flirt.
Maybe I am a player.
Maybe I am a social butterfly.
But 1 thing, I am me & no matter what, I can only love 1 at a time.

1month1day. today (:
Hugs.

life's contradicting

2010-12-07T23:16:00.000+08:00

When I was home, I so wanna head back to work.
Now i'm back to work, I so wanna stay home.
Work is a killer especially with the amount of work to do at back end.
Everyday reached home like 9plus. zzzzz.
Travelling and working hours each day <= 12hrs

I miss the soups that mummy used to cook almost once in 2 days.
I miss the fishing in late night with derek, xavier and buddy yiya.
I miss doing so many things but time is never enough.

sometimes, life is so funny.
now i am wondering many things.
alrights, outta here. ciaos.

instinct

2010-12-04T04:31:00.000+08:00

Not sure how true is it but then I don't wanna bother anymore. FULL-STOP.
Karma will come knocking the doors & I believe in Karma.

Work was Omfg to the max.
calls keep flowing and flowing and flowing. PEK CHEK!

Nth fancy in my life.
I am just me, myself & I.
Seriously, can't wait for 5th dec. (:

it feels different

2010-12-03T09:27:00.001+08:00

Went back to work. First day felt so useless and handicap.
Back end nothing much but lotsa new things to learn.
Need to liaise with remittance dept, do Petra & MORE.
Don't really like back end cos I kinda felt like being isolated.
I still prefer to be in the front.
When I went back, so many had been transfered to other branches.
3 RM quited. Everything is so different.
There are so much in my mind now.

Next week onwards gonna be at branch earlier to learn abt FCCA & FCFD.
I already know how to do FCCA but well, I guess just go in earlier to learn more with the 3 new staff.
I always want to learn more things, get them done correctly and quick so it won't be a hassle to others.
Told Chris to tell the front counter to let me pass entry at the back when it comes to transferring of cash from FCCA. Chris said I would spoilt the new staff and they will throw all FCCA for me to do in future. Hmms.
I shall convince myself to believe in this saying, "对别人好是对自己残忍".
Anyways, past few days before I start work, I had been going out with my bb.
went shopping and I think we both can't shop cos we would end up buying and buying. jia lat.

Bb had been giving me wake up calls & I felt kinda bad.
Cos it means she gonna have interrupted sleep.
I listened to bb and finished the Vitamin C already.

My tummy is so bloated & I think my period is coming but it kinda get "stuck". ):
Having the runs since I woke up. horrible.

It seems like ages since I see my Bb. Hmms. NVM. look at photos lo.
Ciaos! Gonna go work liaos!

2010-11-28T18:13:00.000+08:00

I may not be the best or the perfect person in your life BUT I would be at my best & give you all that I could.

X'mas is coming & I din really have the mood for it actually. just a 50-50 kinda feeling. hmms.
4th Dec, the girls celebrating Elinn's birthday.
14th Dec, I got chalet with NS colleagues.
23rd Dec, Dad would be touching down.
24th Dec, if there s celebration at mj's place this yr, then i gonna go cos its a yearly thing. hmms.

Friends asking me what I want for X'mas but I don't wanna anything.
Cos things that I wanna, I could get them myself.
What I want, I want to be scar-free AND I am just waiting for the time to arrive.

`berls

HONOR SOCIETY - WHERE ARE YOU NOW - BANDSLAM MUSIC VIDEO

2010-11-25T18:11:00.000+08:00

1 of my favourites (:

Hope they will be fine.

2010-11-25T17:38:00.000+08:00

Heard of what happened to KC.
Though I only saw him once or twice before but still, I wish that he would be fine after the operation.
In addition, auntie Mei Hua also going through operation.

life is so unpredictable and full of ups & downs.
Never know whether tomorrow will come.
So just live life to fullest as it is at present; this timing.

Wish time could freeze when I was born.
A carefree kid with no worries, responsibilities & burdens in life.
How good can that be.
We all wished for something that is impossible.
What a joke.

I am afraid that I would lose my dearest ah gong someday.
But thank god, he didn't take you away from me the other time.
I won't know how to react if someone dearest in my life leave this world and head to another.

Each time I go to temple, I prayed that people in my life are in good health & staying happy.
I won't mind giving up few years of my life for exchange of their health and happiness.
And that is what I always told the gods above.

I wanna visit my ah gong soon.
I wanna visit my relatives in Malacca.
I miss them.

I need a break.

2010-11-22T04:05:00.000+08:00

I dislike the nagging from you.
You're so ridiculous.
Kindly spare a thought for pple.
You've yet to find out the truth or hear any explanations; so stop the barking.
Would really appreciate that.

You showed me. (=

2010-11-21T15:22:00.001+08:00

There she was; a lost kid in a world filled with darkness; fears, phobia, faith-less & worries.
She roamed around, searching for a little ray.
One day, during her search, a kind soul just held her hands.
Without any words spoken, the kind soul brought her to a place.
A place filled with life; so beautiful.
The kind soul just smile to the lost kid.
She finally understands the smile behind it.

-Thanks Bb for making me believe in love & gaining the faith as well. Thanks for making me smile & laugh again.-

Hope we could really paint a world of ours with colours; just you and me. 0337hrs on my hp.

HURRAYS!

2010-11-18T15:18:00.002+08:00

Adel will be back today! WOO HOOS :P
I wonder if she bought me gifts. muahhhas. Just kidding! I just wanna look at the photos she took while travelling. (:

My bb falls sick ):
I felt helpless cos I can't be there to take care of her.
Bb is so nice, she came down after her steamboat at Shawn's place & played monopoly with didi & me. Bb ruled the game cos she is the wealthiest!
Bb and didi seems to be good friends. :D
My bb is so skinny. Aiyo, no good! She must eat more then more "huggy" mahs. X=
Bb showed me rays in my dark dark world & slowly, colours start to surface.
Thanks bb, for every single thing you've done.
Am falling fast & deeper for my bb. I shall try to control. Hahas!

Anyways, Qi Wen is coming over at 4pm and I gonna help her with some data entry from home. 10 days, 5 hrs/day & the pay is $40/day. (:
Working from home is a good thing, at least it helps to kill a bit of time too.
Maybe I should find some "work from home" kinda job for a period of time.
Another 6 days & I will have my check-up done at NUH. Counting down.
I am looking forward to hearing good news from Dr Cheong.

Taio Cruz - Dynamite (Int'l Version)

2010-11-17T19:08:00.000+08:00

Babes in the MV! *drools!

P!nk - Raise Your Glass

2010-11-17T18:58:00.000+08:00

One of my favourite Idol!

Willow Smith - Whip My Hair

2010-11-17T18:53:00.000+08:00

Nightmare

2010-11-17T06:38:00.000+08:00

I K.O. before 2am today. Happy cos I fell asleep within 2200-0200hr cos its the best time that our body cells renew.

Anyways, woke up not long from a nightmare.
Dreamt that I was in this old castle with some random characters; faces I never seen them in real before.
Walked towards this door and Pauline was inside with a Maltese, name Jaden.
Jaden licked my feet and I felt annoyed that I left the room shortly.
After that a group of cats charged towards me when they saw me leaving.
I ran as fast as I could outta the castle and I was hit by a vehicle.

Best nightmare ever which reminds me of the accident I met and also the phobia of cats. Sickening.

I just had a warm cup of milk and I shall try getting some sleep again.

Are you a dumbass fuck?

2010-11-16T14:04:00.000+08:00

Grrrs. I hate irritating dumbass guys.
Dropped enough signs & hints of not wating to continue the conversation yet kent still irriates me.
I never really like the "P" horoscope. Annoying piece of shit.
Have already blocked his msn.
Who would thought some intern like him would store all the contacts of staff who worked tgt last time.
So random sms me & I'm still wondering who is that; and when I asked, he scolded me saying I never store his contacts.
WHAT FOR?!?! I don't store contacts of people I don't even feel like talking to. _|_

2010-11-16T01:55:00.001+08:00

I want this hair cut again. (;

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Black Eyed Peas - The Time (Dirty Bit)

2010-11-15T17:14:00.000+08:00

2010-11-15T17:10:00.002+08:00

WOOHOOS! Happy to the max cos this is the blogskin that I want!
Exactly got everything I am asking for! :D
I shall put the music player some time. (:
Why 1 day only 24 hours lo! NOT ENOUGH for me can. #_$#@%$

I miss Adel liaos. ):
Stupid her! Touch down Melbourne also nv sms me. KUKUs!

Happy to see my BB today! She bought me ban mian (:
THANKS! Can't get enough of my BB! ):
Quality is not important, it's quanity I'm looking for.
Though its a short while but its well spent. (:

Ytd, Rae came over. Surprised me with my favourite Koi bubble tea. (: *Yummys
Then she gave me this necklace that she bought for me. Custom-made my name.
Asked her why she give me necklace and she said she don't know, just feel like giving. SUPER RANDOM!
Then she asked what ingredients my house have cos she wanna cook dinner.
Managed to find some ingredients & she cooked porridge for me.
She fed me too. I felt like a spoilt brat.
She took my hp and played games until battery dies off.
A bit sians cos am so used to sms-ing with BB whole day but ytd, it just felt like I din really contact with my BB. ):

I LOVE the 2 important ADELINES in my life.
I LOVE the 1 important CALVIN in my life.
I LOVE the 2 important "T" in my life. (TONY & TERESA) *If not for 2 of them, I won't be in this world and I won't be able to meet my BB.

Lionel Richie - The Only One

2010-11-15T14:30:00.000+08:00

The special novel

2010-11-14T04:15:00.001+08:00

The only novel that could allow my tears from flowing, is known as cleo by helen brown.

Done reading a bit and shall continue soon. Had a long day. So tiring, I shall turn to bed. Wees. (;

A little unfair treatment. Hmmms.

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mini oven which i always wanted & my 12.11.2010

2010-11-13T03:27:00.000+08:00

I always wanted an oven; a mini one, so i could bake.
I never bake before but I love cakes and cookies.
Remembered, mummy used to bake butter cakes when we're all still small kids.
I never get enough of the butter cakes mummy bake!

Pf came over today to visit me & also use my desktop cos her's is down!
Bb came over too. Prepared lunch but my cooking sure sucks big time cos I haven been cooking for quite some time; a yr plus.
I'm not gonna cook for anyone anymore.
Bb bought soup. NICE. (:

Bb accompanied me the whole day.
Bugged her to get her tweeter done! heehees. :D
Pauline & Janice came over to visit me & bought us dinner. Thanks babes!
Then we played card games too!
Janice left earlier though, then Bb, Pauline, Lil bro & I played taboo! (:
Am just like a little kid, I could get so excited over simple game. hahas!
I think I am the big winner for overall. muahhhas. so proud of myself.
Was hungry, so I made milk for Pauline and myself.
Dipped butter cookies into milk & eat it for my supper. LOLS.
Cooked instant noodles for Bb cos she's hungry. (:

So yups, that's all for the day! Hitting the bed real soon.
Tomorrow gonna fold mt Everest again. *sobs

`berls

Storm.

2010-11-11T15:51:00.000+08:00

It's been 45 days only and I'm still counting.
Waiting for the day that I could "break-free" from this "in-house" prison.
This journey gonna be long and quite a tough one.
It trains one's patience and level of tolerance.
Wish time could pass by faster.

Dr Cheong told me, it would take 6-12 months for recovery.
How many "45 days" are there in this period of time?.
Theresa Wong told me, she had similar incident and she took 2 months for recovery.
I wish mine could be a 2 months recovery instead.
Never mind, I guess good things, good people, good results are worth waiting.
I shall wait.

After the storm, comes the sunshine and the rainbow.
This is what Darren & Gabrielle told me.
I'm starting to slowly believe & gain more faith in life.
Cos recently, my sunshine has appeared. (:
Thanks for everything! -The one who call me kiddo baby-

Give me a little time, to be well and back to normal again, just like how I was.
Then we could do many things together.
I am waiting for the day to arrive; hope you do too. (:

Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me

2010-11-11T15:49:00.000+08:00

I like this song for WHATEVER reason. (:

Some photos

2010-11-11T12:50:00.001+08:00

This is the daisy that Xuan and Fiona bought for me the other day (;

Me & my yandao + cute lil brother ;D

Still nuaing on bed. Shall get my ass up soon. Mummy called and said no lunch today. ); Nvm I shall drink milk and dip the butter cookies in it and eat them just like a happy fat kid. :P

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i dont deserve this

2010-11-11T02:12:00.001+08:00

Dislike when you blame someone blindly. Dislike when you're so unreasonable. Dislike when you assume you're right and people are in the wrong. Dislike when you just doubt people and not giving them a chance to explain. You're so unfair.

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Changed BS, my night & my ah gong!

2010-11-10T15:52:00.001+08:00

Finally changed the blog skin! YAYNESS (:
However, something is lacking. the "ARCHIVES" part.
I shall find out some day how to do it!. (:

Happy to see my kai xin guo/ou xiang & to hear the voice.
I'm just like a kid, easily contented. Muahhhas!
Slept with my little brother last night & we chatted a bit while he was psp-ing. :D
He is such a nice little brother! He lend me ruffy last night & I hugged ruffy to sleep.
Now ruffy got my FCUK perfume smell. wees.

Calls calls & calls. I hate local pple. Pain in the ass. TSK.
I miss my blur sotong ah gong & I really wish I could visit him.
I wonder if he remembers me when I visit him the next time.
He's old and getting senile. ):

Out of 3 grandchildren, we are the closest. Remembered when I visited him the last time, he would definitely know my name & when I asked, who am I? He would answer, "Ah Lin". Then i would ask him if he remembered he bought me to playground when I was a little kid; back then when he was staying at redhill. He would smile & nod his head. (:

My ah gong is very cute & he is quite lazy. Whenever the TV is on, he would be staring at it and ignore pple's existence. I always like to touch his head,massage him and apply lotion on his dry arms and legs. Whenever I am heading home, I bid him goodbye with a kiss on his head. He smiled; I was happy.
How I wish he was healthier, he could walk & he could remember everything.

There was once we thought we nearly "lost" him cos his body been rejecting food and he only keeps sleeping. He hardly opened his eyes & look so tired. BUT Thank god he is still alive now. Sometimes I really wish that my life could be shorten; in the exchange of health for my love ones. Ah gong, I miss you badly. ):

`berls

I am a FATTY!

2010-11-09T23:53:00.001+08:00

My brunch was "fried rice" but don't look like "fried rice".
Had kiwi just now at 10 plus. (:
Then I'm feeling hungry & I am drinking milk milk now! (:
Haven't been drinking for some time cos my friend told me milk would make me gain more weight. ):
I guess so too. Oh wells. BUT i am hungry so i drank milk! (:

Mummy & adel call me fatty at home. I am so depressed (rolls eyes).
I felt that I put on weight too. I feel FAT.
Hmmms. Really wish that I could go jogging and go gyming ASAP.
cos i am feeling REAL FAT! ):

I shall sleep early! Shall fall asleep between 10pm to 2am cos that's the time the skin cells renew!
my complexion has deteriorates. ):

i miss my friends a lot! ):

Random thoughts

2010-11-09T17:41:00.001+08:00

After the bad comes the good.
"Ying Hou De Fu", this the Chinese saying.
How true it is, I've no idea.

Rekko once said that if only this world doesn't have any sadness.
Then I thought, it's not possible.
In each sadness, happiness could be found along the way.
With sadness, we appreciate happiness that comes knocking on our doors.
Still, wish I were a robot, so I would be emotionless.

I miss riding on Ibert's bike and go yishun den with few more bikers. hahas. RANDOM!

Dislike dreams.

2010-11-09T12:14:00.001+08:00

Woke up in between my sleep.
Had different "series" of dreams. So weird.
Someone ever told me, dreams that I remember, it won't come true.
Somehow, I believe that now.

Feels like going kelong; never been to one before.
Feels like fishing again at upper selectar.
Feels like flying kite at marina barrage & having potluck with friends.

Mummy was random and she asked about Steph.
At that moment, memories start flowing back one by one.
Feels like having a memory loss cos I don't wanna have any memories in life; good or bad whatever you name it.

My day's happening!

2010-11-09T02:16:00.002+08:00

Sing Yee came over to visit me just now. Bought me juices and also latte (from muji).
Chatted a bit then not long later, received a call from Xuan.
So Xuan and Fiona came over to visit me. They bought me orange daisy! (:
On Friday, Pauline would be coming over and Saturday, maybe Lee + a few coming to visit me! :D
Alrights, by tomorrow I need to get back to Shu Yar.
Then I gonna make cold calls too. -_-"

Anyways, was kinda pissed with lil bro cos he's just way too spoilt.
Need to "deliver" the lunch to him while he was happily playing PSP on sofa. _|_
Swept, vaccumed & mopped the floor. The usual routine.
Gonna change my bedsheets soon, perhaps on Sunday (:

Thanks kai xin guo/ou xiang for the fish, veggies & ABC soup.
Taste really nice. Thanks for the accompany too. Enjoyed it!

My mind is playing this song by Ricky Nelson - I will follow you.
Kinda into oldies recently. weees.
Alrights, that's all for now.

GRRRS. FML

2010-11-08T13:20:00.003+08:00

Grrrs. What a day to start with, receiving Mr R's sms.
Mr R, would appreciate if you stop bugging me.
I ain't your pet. I don't do your biddings; HELLO!
What right do you have to be angry with me?
You're the worst person on earth.
Seriously, I pity Jasmine cos she deserves better.

House in a mess. Really feel so annoying. Can't stand the untidiness.
Aiya! FML la. So much in me that I wanna let it all out. Damn!.
AGRHS! Partying and drinking definitely can make me feel better but not any time soon. ):

Sis painted my nails!

2010-11-07T13:18:00.004+08:00

Sister painted my nails last night and I felt it kinda look weird cos I'm not used to such things. Am not a super girly kinda girl on this round planet.
Plus my hands look like guys & I have very short finger nails.

Saw the CK undergarments that I wanted to get. Thought I could do online shopping but i realised that they only do shopping within USA. Sians to the max. Looks like I gonna wait for a long long time before I could get what I want. Grrrs. Always wanted an oven at home so that I could bake cookies, cup cakes or even tarts. Always wanted to do some baking but house no oven. Wait wait wait, I shall wait till I am all well, then I would go get an oven!

I felt that my this blogskin is so sians.
I've been searching for a few. Shall changed it when i free-er. muahhhas.
Buddy Kiat said he would be visiting me next week. :D
Later in the evening, Sing Yee should be coming if nothing crops up last minute.
Gonna give a miss to my lou gong's (Shi Ping) 21st celebration cos of the stupid scars on my face.

Dream dream dream and i dreamt of my kai xin guo/ou xiang. Can't recall what dream it was. hmms. I hope its not a bad dream though.
It became a habit. A habit that I'm not sure if its good or bad. Hmms but who cares as long as I am happy for the time being. (:

Alrights, I gonna go take a short nap, then gonna fold Mt everest again. Tomorrow gonna help mum sweep, vaccum and mop floor. Grrrs. I wish I got a maid though. I felt my whole house is so messy and too many things in this house! Grrrs. Kinda spoilt my mood. Sometimes, I feel like moving outta this house. Zzzz.

-I hate the way that you talk and vent the anger like as though pple owed you a fucking life.

Broad daylight & I haven't sleep

2010-11-06T10:32:00.003+08:00

Heading to the bed soon. Kinda sleepy but can't seems to fall asleep. hahas. Guess it must have been due to the constant coughing. ):
Maybe I should really try consuming the pearl powder that Angela bought for me.
Anyways, I looked out of my window and saw people jogging and cycling as early as 5plus in the morning. So I wonder, when or how soon can I do these again.
Even though 1 month plus had passed but it felt like like years. How long will this take, I wonder.

Oh ya, mummy bought the "Tian Qi" powder for me to eat. It's good for internal. Some Chinese medicine which taste like Ginseng. O_o! I don't like the ginseng taste. This morning, mummy told me she knows I'm very fussy and I don't like the powdered "Tian Qi" so she got the capsules ones for me. Upon hearing, I felt so happy cos she should bought that long ago as I've been forcing myself to consume that powdered "Tian Qi";

Bought berries essences! I shall drink everyday before I sleep. I need some "inner shine". Ahhhas!
Looking into the mirror, my tan lines had faded so so much. No more bikini line. ):
Which is bad cos that means I'm turning "yellowish" somehow. Looks so unhealthy and sick. Zzzz.
I feel that my hair is in a mess. So much of wanting to "chop" it off. HAHAS.
like my hair got no shape and style. So annoying. ROARS.

Humans' selfishness to hide the shameful scandal of 2 could really ruin a friendship of 8-9 yrs.
However, all is good now cos my buddies are talking to one another! This is like a wish come true for me. :D
*Love and relationship should be simple but people often complicate it. Sickening much.

I kinda miss Rae cos she is really a nice "bro" taking care of me be it at work or not. She's kinda loud at times but its okay but she has been transferred to another branch. ): I miss her calling me kiddo and nagging me for not taking care of myself. Miss her buying me my favourite butter bun from Roti Mum @ IMM and the Teh Si in the morning. I miss calling her when I was on cab and I could go and pick her up for work. I miss having dinner with her after work and we talk craps. She's really a nice colleague, a nice "bro" and a nice friend.

I miss Angel and Zaues (her nephew). I remembered she made me butter cookies and my parents drove me to Yishun so I could take the butter cookies from her as my birthday gift. HAHAS! Zaues is so cute and shy. I miss my crazy bunch of poly mates cos we would do really funny things together. Blast the classroom with music during break time, went for smoke break outside school & the very last few weeks of semester, we bought Vodka to school and we drank in class. Then sometimes we would partial from class cos the lesson is too dry & so many more!

Okays, I miss so many things in my life but its all the past. HAHAS!.
But I guess no harm thinking and missing them, cos its all good fun memories.
Alrights, its gonna be 1030hrs. I shall sleep soon.

Last but not least, it's so good to hear Kai xin guo voice twice a day.
Crappy she is but she's also a good listener. I like (:

`berls

Kai Xin Guo & a bit of steph

2010-11-05T19:48:00.001+08:00

Thanks to Kai xin guo/ou xiang aka Jr Teo for the Pi Pao Gao & panadols.
Kinda felt bad cos gonna trouble her to pass me the medicines despite her long day at work. Moreover she haven't been having enough rest.
Happy to see her though. :D
Chatted a bit then went off like ard 2am.
I sent my sunshine off, so when she got a bad cloudy dark day, sunshine can make her smile.
Somehow, felt kinda silly doing so. I seems like some small kid.
this is bad. i shall reflect on my silly actions and thoughts.

Anyways, dreamt of Steph last night. Slightly emo but then..
Took the medicine on time. I was hoping that the cough and flu pls go away soon.
really irritating much. Grrrs.

It's a joy to have known Kai xin guo in life.

`berls

After So Long

2010-11-04T17:42:00.001+08:00

after so long and i changed the blog skin arhs. lols
but wait till i got more time then i shall do editing of the blog skin.

anyways, what a year for me. life ain't too good this yr; whatever one could name it.
28th Sept 2010 was a memorable date.
tt's cos I never expected myself to be knocked down by car while crossing at the pedestrian crossing. just left house not long and the incident happened. sometimes i felt heaven really knows how to crack jokes on humans. I was supposed to meet Pauline that day for dinner at 7pm for Aston but intended to go for an evening jog then meet her for dinner but the unexpected happened on me.

mummy arrived at the scene and i could heard her shaky voice. Her voice used to be like a thunder, so loud and clear had turned into shaky voice of fears and worries.
when i was being knocked down i lost consciousness but regain after a while and this NS man helped me to sit up. my face felt numb, limbs and arms too. then someone passed me lots tissue and told me to press against my forehead.

The paramedic, name Angeline spoke to me all the way till we reached NUH. I was worried that mum would cry till she faint. Told Angeline to pls make sure my mummy is okay. They pushed me to A&E once we arrived at NUH. I could still hear and see but my vision ain't very clear. I knew they cut open my clothes and I was given lotsa jabs but i can't feel the pain. It's all numb. I could heard mum's voice outside A&E, then sister's and dad's voice. Mummy asked the trauma team of doctors or nurses whether my eyes kanna anything.

it indeed felt kinda like end of the world cos i know at that point of time, i know that this is gonna be very hard on me. They pushed me to another room where they perform MRI on me and they said that internally I am fine. This is what I heard them talking to my parents but my heart kinda dropped when I heard them saying that i suffered facial injuries. Parents asked for the best plastic surgeon for me.

After the MRI and further scanning or whatsoever, I was pushed to the ward. Not soon, I heard footsteps and there I saw my parents and sister. Mummy trying to look strong and hold her tears back but I could see that she's putting up a strong front.
I couldn't help but tears came flowing down the cheeks. I asked about my injuries and they told me not to worried. My uncle and aunt came down after work, granduncles and grandaunts too. Uncle is really nice cos i heard him telling mum to engage the best plastic surgeon for me in NUH and he would sponsor.

When sister told her I was met with accident, she thought its a prank. However, she came down after work. She teared upon seeing me lying on the bed. What I am afraid of is seeing sad faces and worried faces at the point of time and I tried to be strong to hold my tears back, I did. I still can tell them that luckily i am alive and compared to many, i am consider the super lucky one. Actually deep down, i felt worst as though the world is tearing apart. I put a brave front, to hide my worries and fears cos i din wanna upset my family and friends.

somehow, i felt i became a burden to everyone who care and concern abt me. I was worried that those who came down on the day i was admitted to hospital; didn't take their meals or at least their dinner. Still nagged at my parents, sis and Pauline to take their dinner but of course, my uncle and aunt as well as granduncles and grandaunts. I guessed it's my nature that even i met with mishap, i am still concern about my family and friends.

It was really hell for me in hospital, I couldn't move around cos my limbs are weak for the first 3 days. Whenever it's bath time, the nurses would help me to a wheelchair. They bathed me and the best thing is I din get to wash my face and hair. That is cos the surgery was done on face and also my hair filled with blood that's already harden and its very hard to wash off. I really wanna go nuts. I din have appetite cos my cheek bone and jaw are kinda affected. my mouth could hardly open and my face is swollen; my knee caps and elbows too. I can't brush my teeth cos i can't open my mouth. my parents bought me milk to drink and even sucking using the straw, i felt discomfort and pain. Every night in hospital, i teared till I fell asleep and i could hardly sleep cos I'm so not used to it. Worst, patients coming in and out, the lights are on. i got no bao bao at all.

I am really thankful to all those who visited me when I was in hospital and also those who visited me after i was discharged. there's too many to name down but really, THANKS. Everything that happened in life, is a learning process. Heaven cracked a joke on me but he had showed me to appreciate everything, everybody in life. cos being able to live and seeing the love ones is the greatest happiness on earth. Now, I've resigned to fate, whatever had happened, it happened and there's no pointing sobbing over it. in life, we look forward. Everyday a brand new day and a new chapter.

Oh wells, that's what i wanna blog down. ahhas.
let's see, so i made some new friends online. 4 of them actually.
my intention was to only keep the conversation going on fridae but they said exchanged msn is more convenient. and yesh, we exchanged msn and fb. they're quite nice pple to chat with though.

So recently, i gained myself a ou xiang or rather a kai xin guo.
everyday sms and msn tgt. Most of the times i will stupidly smile and i felt happier each day.
just hope day everyday is a happy day for everyone. (:

its a pity i didn't get to watch musical performances this yr, concert and also celebrate halloween. i guess this year christmas also a gone case. every year without fail sure celebrate but me i gonna be home like a mountain turtle. LOLS. sometimes during my sleep, i still shake.
i've phobia when i see roads. this is bad but i gonna overcome it.

ohhh btw, love the softies that my friends and relatives bought for me and also books! thanks so much so much.

i love my family and also my friends. so much thanks for being there! (:

'berls